The importance of Trust

John Gottman explains the importance of trust in relationships:

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MGMT 450 Communication and Conflict Management: Video - First Why then Trust

I like the video that Ilayda shared
MGMT 450 Communication and Conflict Management: Video - First Why then Trust: I found interesting video about trust , hope you enjoy it.

Is Trust Important?

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Is trust the corner stone of any relationship and is it in fact true that some people cannot be inherently trusted? Trusting someone of our most inherent human desires/instinctual desires that is to form relationships and to belong. Trust is something that is very highly regarded and a sign of great character. 

All in all it is one of the main factor behind relationships. 

I like trusting people and I expect to be trusted in return. I try to make this obvious by always behaving in a trustworthy way to my friends and family.

Importance of Conversation

Think about a difficult conversation that you had anytime of your life. What does make it difficult? Have you ever think about it? Lat me give you my instance.

Most of us live far away from our family during our college life, which is usually annoying for our parents. They don't want us to stay far away from them; however, this is something we have to live through. One day, when I was having dinner with my mother we had this dialogue:

Mother: We can redecorate your room after your graduation. It looks a bit dull. What do you think?

Me: I'm afraid I'm not planning to live here after my graduation mom.

Mother: Are you planning to get married? Oh my god I didn't even know that you have a boyfriend. Hey I'm so happy for you darling! How is he like?

Me: No mom I'm planning to live alone. Maybe somewhere near to my job.

Mother: I can move with you? You will be bored, I don't want you to stay lonely.

Me: I have lived alone for 4 years mom. I want to see that ı can do it on my own.

Mother: You don't love me anymore...:(

And she started to cry. Wasn't it so obvious what I wanted? Yes it was; however, my mother acted sensitive and didn't want to understand my problem. Emotions could be the great obstacle in situations like this.  That's why we should consider all aspects and choose words accordingly. It has always been difficult to clarify ourselves if we talk to someone emotional  like my mother. Life keeps teaching us this appropriate attitudes. I'm still trying to learn and it won't come to an end easily...

 

Experiencing Authority

THERE HAVE BEEN MANY SITUATIONS IN WHICH MY EXPECTATION FOR RESPECT WAS NOT MET, HOWEVER, THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN MANY SITUATIONS IN WHICH DUE TO UNCERTAINTY I FEEL LIKE I MAY NOT HAVE MET OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATION FOR RESPECT.
THE MOST APPLICABLE EXAMPLE OF WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST WEEK, I WAS AT A RESTAURANT AND A WAITER WHO WAS VERY OLD CAME TO THE TABLE, I WAS UNCERTAIN AS TO WHETHER TO REFER TO HIM AS 'SEN' OR 'SIZ', WHEN I OPTED

FOR 'SEN' I FELT AS IF I HAD BEEN DISRESPECTFUL FOR NOT USING THE FORMAL. ADDITIONALLY, MANY TIMES I HAVE BEEN SPOKEN TO OVER FAMILIARLY FROM WORKING LEVEL PERSONNEL WHICH I FIND VERY LACKING IN RESPECT.

I BELIEVE THAT RESPECT MUST BE SHOWN WITHIN A GROUP AS OUTLINED IN THE EXCERPT. BY DEMONSTRATING LEVELS OF RESPECT AND APPLYING COMMON GOAL INCENTIVES IT IS POSSIBLE TO ENHANCE AND PROMOTE RESPECT FROM WORKERS AND THE LIKE. 

Different Perceptions

"We see the same colours, we hear the same sounds, but not in the same way"

Simone Weil

  French philosopher Simone Weil lived in the first half of the 20th century; however,  this quotation still sounds reasonable all around the world. Our culture, our environment, the way we live, the people around us; our friends, lovers, sisters and brothers affect our perceptions in several ways.  People are different from each other in every aspects, even the identical twins don't feel the same in the same situations. They may interpret an instance completely opposite ways. Our needs and benefits play n enormous role in perceiving a message anyway. Many conflicts may occur because of these different interpretations. One may not agree with the other; however, this is an inevitable thing in human nature. 

Weil's argument can also be a mirror to the biggest problem of the history "Can history be an objective subject?" No, history can never be seen in an objective perspective, because even if you tell an event that you witnessed, you tell it in your own perspective, in other words you reflect it with your style. You may think that people could tell what they observe, objectively. But still this is not being objective.  Even if you tell an instance that you observed, you highlight the parts which are important to you, most importantly you tell it in your tone with your own words, which may not reflect the exact the instance for another.

As Weil puts in, we all have different interpretations and we should consider different approaches and respect them all to avoid conflicts.  

"Conscious listening is essential to function with people and the world around you."

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The Power of Listening

Ralf Nichols says the most basic of all human need is to understand and to ne understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Imagine a world where no one can understand each other. What it would look like? Chaotic? No one would be happy because not being understood can be the great reason for an unhappy life. This would show us the importance of listening as well as understanding. Listening is actually a skill we have. We are all passionate about being listened to and respected, so if we want to be listened, we should learn how to listen first.

In order o explain ourselves better; we should always tell our needs with patience and clarity. If our sentences are not clear enough, how can someone understand it and help us? We should always be accurate and certain. A research shows that audiences’ attention will be gone after hearing forty words, so after a few words other person will probably be disconnected. This could be a clue for being more clear about expressing our feelings or needs. In order to be as clear as mentioned, we should always use positive action language. For example if Person A tells me that I don’t understand him, this message could be seen unclear, because “the need is” not specific. If action language is used, the same example would be: “You don’t listen to me and tell me what you understood.”

Imagine a conversation that made you bored, you think that you had enough and you want to change the subject. The best and most polite way to do that is to paraphrase; If you just paraphrase the words the person next to you said, it would show him/her that you got the point and there is no need to talk about it anymore.

Communication

Our fourth week's first lecture was about the backbone of our lives; communication. We communicate with other people since  childhood, a basic need, but it is important to use this tool in the right way, since miscommunication may cause conflicts between people. When a conflict occurs between two people, it's like one person tries to shoot the other. And if the other person responds in the same way, this is the beginning of a fight or stressful and tense situation. In situations like this, people should give themselves a minute to think, breathe and relax. This prevents tension. When we make observations, we should interpret them carefully, because words can easily break a heart. Objective facts won't cause any problem, but when we interpret these facts is where potential for conflict lies. I will be blogging about the importance of interpretations, and giving empathy; in other words understanding.

The importance of efficient communication can be seen simply in the video which we watched in the lecture. On this animation video, two robot-like characters (patient and doctor)  try to talk about the patient's sickness; however, the patient does not answer the questions properly, neither the doctor nor the patient show any effort to make this conversation understandable. It was like two Siri's talking meaninglessly to each other. This shows that lack of communication causes several problems which affect our day to day lives for the worse.

The Way We Talk

When Gestapo officer yelled at Etty Hillesum in a Nazi concentration camp, she thought that the officer had an unhappy childhood or was let down by his girlfriend; however she didn't say anything back. Etty thought empathically  and interpreted this unexpected behaviour. She didn't feel feel indignation. These approaches allows people to stay connected their compassionate nature. He yelled at her because he wanted to use the language that way to convey his message in a way that he thought to be more effective.

Since language has the role of conveying the message, it is really important in our daily lives. As Marshall Rosenberg puts in; if we don't consider the way we talk to be violent, words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves (Rosenberg, 2003, p.3). You can all think of many instances in your daily ritual where you felt hurt because of another person's way of speaking. I personally experience it in my life, maybe this is because humans are emotional beings. I always act and speak in the way that I expect to be treated.  We should all learn to give respect before asking for it.    

Needs and Wants

Every human being has needs be they basic needs, which are required to survive or other needs. Some are instinctual and sue are emotional such as one think to be loved. As well as the need satisfy desires such as being the part of a group Everything in life concerns a battle between needs and wants. 

I don't need to go on a holiday but I want to. This is a perfect illustration of the conflict between needs and wants in my life