"Conscious listening is essential to function with people and the world around you."

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The Power of Listening

Ralf Nichols says the most basic of all human need is to understand and to ne understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Imagine a world where no one can understand each other. What it would look like? Chaotic? No one would be happy because not being understood can be the great reason for an unhappy life. This would show us the importance of listening as well as understanding. Listening is actually a skill we have. We are all passionate about being listened to and respected, so if we want to be listened, we should learn how to listen first.

In order o explain ourselves better; we should always tell our needs with patience and clarity. If our sentences are not clear enough, how can someone understand it and help us? We should always be accurate and certain. A research shows that audiences’ attention will be gone after hearing forty words, so after a few words other person will probably be disconnected. This could be a clue for being more clear about expressing our feelings or needs. In order to be as clear as mentioned, we should always use positive action language. For example if Person A tells me that I don’t understand him, this message could be seen unclear, because “the need is” not specific. If action language is used, the same example would be: “You don’t listen to me and tell me what you understood.”

Imagine a conversation that made you bored, you think that you had enough and you want to change the subject. The best and most polite way to do that is to paraphrase; If you just paraphrase the words the person next to you said, it would show him/her that you got the point and there is no need to talk about it anymore.

Communication

Our fourth week's first lecture was about the backbone of our lives; communication. We communicate with other people since  childhood, a basic need, but it is important to use this tool in the right way, since miscommunication may cause conflicts between people. When a conflict occurs between two people, it's like one person tries to shoot the other. And if the other person responds in the same way, this is the beginning of a fight or stressful and tense situation. In situations like this, people should give themselves a minute to think, breathe and relax. This prevents tension. When we make observations, we should interpret them carefully, because words can easily break a heart. Objective facts won't cause any problem, but when we interpret these facts is where potential for conflict lies. I will be blogging about the importance of interpretations, and giving empathy; in other words understanding.

The importance of efficient communication can be seen simply in the video which we watched in the lecture. On this animation video, two robot-like characters (patient and doctor)  try to talk about the patient's sickness; however, the patient does not answer the questions properly, neither the doctor nor the patient show any effort to make this conversation understandable. It was like two Siri's talking meaninglessly to each other. This shows that lack of communication causes several problems which affect our day to day lives for the worse.

The Way We Talk

When Gestapo officer yelled at Etty Hillesum in a Nazi concentration camp, she thought that the officer had an unhappy childhood or was let down by his girlfriend; however she didn't say anything back. Etty thought empathically  and interpreted this unexpected behaviour. She didn't feel feel indignation. These approaches allows people to stay connected their compassionate nature. He yelled at her because he wanted to use the language that way to convey his message in a way that he thought to be more effective.

Since language has the role of conveying the message, it is really important in our daily lives. As Marshall Rosenberg puts in; if we don't consider the way we talk to be violent, words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves (Rosenberg, 2003, p.3). You can all think of many instances in your daily ritual where you felt hurt because of another person's way of speaking. I personally experience it in my life, maybe this is because humans are emotional beings. I always act and speak in the way that I expect to be treated.  We should all learn to give respect before asking for it.    

Needs and Wants

Every human being has needs be they basic needs, which are required to survive or other needs. Some are instinctual and sue are emotional such as one think to be loved. As well as the need satisfy desires such as being the part of a group Everything in life concerns a battle between needs and wants. 

I don't need to go on a holiday but I want to. This is a perfect illustration of the conflict between needs and wants in my life